hanging out

I'm not very good at "hanging out." I kind of prefer a set agenda, or at least a pretense for coming over. Definitely prescheduled, too.

It might have to do with growing up living so far away from other kids my age. We usually had to make plans beforehand and then we would ride home on the bus together.

In high school, one of my friends who had moved to our rural area from a larger city invited me over. We walked over to her house in town and got a snack, watched some tv, lounged in her room. It was so unusual! We weren't "doing" anything. We didn't have a plan. We weren't going to study together. It wasn't a sleepover. I felt like what we were doing had no purpose. Years later I realized what we were doing. It was "hanging out". And I had never experienced it before.

And I still lack the social ability to casually hang out. I want to have an idea, like making cookies together, or watching a tv show together, or going for a walk. Part of this is that I like creating memories and tend to measure quality time by joint experiences. However, it's also because unscheduled together time can be boring and uncomfortable for me. And how can I know if the other person is having a good time or not? I fear that people initially may find me interesting but later become bored with me.

I highly value being able to spend unstructured time with people, and I have experienced it in my life. But it's not natural for me.

So if anyone wants to help me practice, I've got some beer in the fridge.