Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Snow

Generally I like Weather, or at least I can enjoy it for a time, even if I don't like being out in it for long. Today it's started snowing and it blows right in your face. Part of the reason I like Weather is because you can't control it - it will do what it will, and my job is to respond (by the way, I am capitalizing Weather in the vein of C.S. Lewis in That Hideous Strength). My favorite part about the snow is letting the snowflakes land on my glove and then looking at them. I also appreciate the way the freshly fallen snow covers everything, although its stark whiteness doesn't last long in the suburbs. Last night I was looking at the swirling eddies of windblown snow against the wide street and wished I were a poet. They looked like wispy ghosts or like the foaming ocean water against the rocks on the shore.

Today a Rich Mullins song, "Hold Me, Jesus," played on my computer (it was on random). It was a welcome reminder of the assurance I have that God is in control and his plan is best. Yay Rich Mullins!

Windsor Park

On Monday nights I lead a college ministry to a nearby nursing home. We go over and for an hour and a half visit and play games with residents. Every time I go, I don't regret it, though sometimes I feel a bit lackluster before we need to head out. Tonight was especially encouraging. Two new volunteers came with us, and they were very engaged with the residents. It was neat to see them. We also got to spend a lot of time with different residents - since we go in the evening, some are already getting set for bed - but tonight there was a good turnout. I played a game called "Shake loose a memory" with Dee, Florence, and Jim. We rolled the dice and picked up a matching card. We read the back of it - "keep this card if you have ridden a motorcycle," "keep this card if a doctor delivered your children in a hospital." If you'd done it, you keep the card, if not, you lay it back down. It was a joy to see Jim read the card, pause, and then a smile spreads across his face as he remembers planting a garden or being bit by a dog (it wasn't a serious bite).

Concerto competition

I've played piano for a number of years; I started when I was in first grade and took lessons until ninth grade. I still play occasionally but my passions and interests have generally changed. This afternoon I went to the conservatory's Concerto Competition, where several of my friends dazzled me with their virtuosity and talent as they played instrumental solos with the college orchestra. I watched my friend Jon relish the swell of the music as he played the piano with abandon, I thought of all the hours he must have spent practicing, closed in a little six by seven room and how everything was worth it to be able to create that moment of absolute wonder.

Another young student had won a composition competition, and three musicians performed his piece while he sat in the audience with us. I tried to imagine what it was like for him, a college sophomore, to be able to express music from within him, and then to place it outside of himself, relinquishing it and letting someone else play it. What if they didn't play it the way he heard it in his head? Or what if their hand slipped and the notes got messed up? The journey from creation to translation to interpretation and it was over in ten minutes.

Greek exegesis

Dr. Gerald Hawthorne taught Greek at Wheaton for many years; he taught my dad in the '70s. I met Dr. Hawthorne my freshman year when I frequented his church near the campus. He and his wife, Jane, were very welcoming and I ate at their house for Easter. Dr. Hawthorne had trouble remembering who I was, which was fine; no hard feelings.

Today I was sitting in the library, reading a text about the Apostles' Creed when I came across Dr. Hawthorne's name. Some Greek translation he had worked on had relevance to the topic at hand, and I paused momentarily to think about Dr. Hawthorne's life work. As he has an office at Buswell library, I have often seen him there, and today, as I was contemplating "I believe in God the Father, the Almighty..." Dr. Hawthorne walked into my field of view. He got a cup of coffee and a Twix bar from the machines against the far wall and slowly made his way towards me. After picking up a book to peruse, he came to a chair near mine and asked "Is anyone sitting here?" I answered, "No, go ahead." "Thank you, April!" was his cheerful reply.

I'm not sure who April was, but I smiled and went back to my book.

paper explosion

My plan this afternoon was to go through old class notes, bank account statements, receipts, letters, etc., and either throw away or neatly categorized. I don't like having lots of things around, but I hate the thought of throwing something away that will be useful in the future (particularly for taxes or grad school). After three and a half hours, I am taking a break and creating this blog, the inspiration of my dear roommate, Natasha. Though it will probably not be as profound or interesting as some, perhaps it will provide insights into my life for friends and family.

This last week has been quite difficult. I've been in the process of considering my future and I worry that I won't use the gifts and opportunities that God has given me to their fullest potential. It's a heavy responsibility to have a life. I've been considering happiness and the difference between happiness and contentment, as well as what is most importance in life - a relationship with and obedience to God. Romans 8:28 says that God works all things for the good of those who love him. This "good" isn't necessarily happiness - it's being transformed into the image of God.
As I've been considering happiness and contentment I've also wondered about the connection between choices and trust. I can pray for wisdom and guidance, but I don't always have solid assurance that I'm making the right one. Trust is an uneasy adventure.