conversation snippets

One of my Aunt Kathryn's classmates (from the class of 1943, here for their 65th college reunion) "We graduated with Billy Graham, and we hear so much about his life, but God has done great things in so many of our lives."

The person a few spaces behind me in line for commencement, "the alphabet is a confusing place to be."

Grandpa, holding my hand, "when your dad was a little boy in church, he would be restless, and I would take his hands and rub his fingertips. Quieted him down. Life is good."

Commencement speaker, Akiko Minato, "We are united in Christ, Galatians 3:28, and we are called to be peacemakers."

Tyler Fulton, "Karen, if I don't see you again, have a nice life."

graduation

I graduated today, summa cum laude with a bachelor's of arts in sociology, minor in Bible/Theology. I am no longer an undergrad and my tassle will always hang on left, at least everytime I wear my tartar board hat from now on.

Rehearsal for graduation consists of a motley group of 500 or so 22 year olds, anxious to be done and annoyed with one last "stand here, walk here, say this, know this." Graduation is a bit of a farce, no? We are taught for years to be an individual and then are given matching robes and caps so that assimilation appears complete. It is during rehearsal that our personalities come forth, through our hairstyles and t-shirts, rather than the actual ceremony. And what about the fact that we do not receive our diploma at Commencement? We are given a nice case, but our diploma is mailed to us later, after verification that we have completed our course requirements. My family traveled 840 miles to see me receive an empty case. Why is graduation so important?
For Baccalaureate I feel odd dressing up in the blue graduation gown, but after I walk to the library, where we line up, I would feel odd if I had chosen instead to wear my regular clothes. The gowns separate us. They take us out of our everyday lives and pronounce that something different is taking place, at least for now.
I could not stop myself from smiling after Baccalaureate. It was a beautiful windblown day, rainy. I won't forget it. We were so dignified in our caps and gowns, and the wind said "don't take yourself too seriously."
Coming of Age ceremonies in many cultures have some things in common. First, in order to acknowledge a change, the initiates are separated from the rest of the group, given specific instructions or a challenge, and then reinserted into the wider community. On Sunday, I was someone different. I was given a physical representation of a less ostentatious change - the gown, the diploma case all represent the academic achievement that I have worked on for the past four years. What if I had chosen not to walk for my graduation? I would have still achieved the same, but there is meaning in this ritual, and that is why my family came, why professors dressed up like watermelon jolly ranchers, and why Dr. Litftin shook 560 hands. I think the bizarre thriller-type organ music we processed to made it even more pregnant with meaning and circumstance.

Not a finished product

We had a song on a kids tape when I was growing up, and the words were
"He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient he must be - he's still working on me."

Five days until graduation! I'll be all shiny and clean and one of 550 other blue-gowned graduates. Like Wheaton is a tube of toothpaste that annually shoots out a big glob of educated young adults. Not finished, in process, a step along the way.

It's an interesting feeling to be graduating and thinking that I should be somewhere I'm not - like I should have squeezed more out of my education. Similar to the feeling that I should be writing incredibly profound and insightful things in my blog - that one day I'll put it in a book that will bring hope and joy to millions.

I leave with you this thought "God's firm foundation stands, bearing this seal, 'the Lord knows those who are his.'" 2 Tim 2:19. I do not have to prove myself, I do not have to act like a finished product. He's still working on me, and he knows those who are his. I rest and trust in his work, delighting in the adventure he has set me on.

The first step of the adventure I have some idea about - at least locationally I'll be in Mexico. Step by step, because he's still working on me.

Orion

Two falls ago my sister and I were preparing to leave for college. It was a full day drive - all 13 hours with a short "layover" in Minneapolis. We were leaving early in the morning.

I remember waking up around 4:45 after having slept poorly. I felt resentful, groggy, and sullen. The car had been packed the night before, so I finished a few last minute items and walked out to the car.

I wrote in my journal for that day "I stepped outside and felt refreshed and beloved. There was a delicate crescent moon, waxing, the whole sphere visible by earthshine. Orion and the Seven Sisters. A cool breeze."

Dr. Jerry Root spoke in our last chapel today. He talked about measuring time by Orion. Knowing that when Orion rose in the early evening in late summer, school would be starting soon. And in the spring, when Orion fell behind the sun, knowing that students would disperse like the delicate seeds of a dandelion when a breeze blows through.

"with anticipation"

Accolades do not prepare us for mediocrity. Unexpected recognition says "you are better than you think you are." Well, thank you very much, but that's still quite terrifying. What do people expect of me now?

Today I sat on stage in chapel and shook hands with President Litfin because I was inducted into the Wheaton College Scholastic Honor Society. Chapel attendance was pretty thin, but there were still quite a few people who witnessed the event. I'll put this on my resume, too, so from now on this event will shape the way people think of me and what they expect of my life.

A book that I had signed by a professor said 'To Karen, with anticipation of God's leading you.' I like that. That's helpful. Wherever God leads me, that's the way to go, that's what to expect; that's what Dr. Treier expects, at least.

It's interesting how one accolade leads me to desire others. I entered a paper contest and went to the award ceremony today. I didn't win, but part of me really wanted to win, to continue to recognition that I have begun to garner.

But another part of me also wants to sink back into a comfortable anonymity, only a few people knowing how fantastic I really am, but without the pressure of having to be excellent and to be one ahead of everybody else.

And I don't want to forget what Paul says in Galatians - are we trying to win the approval of men, or of God? May I always ultimately seek approval from God.

Saying goodbye

I went to the nursing home last night. I've been going there since I was a sophomore, and though some of the residents are different, there are a couple of them who I have known since that time. Included with this post is a picture of me with Jim and Dee. They're both very sweet, very consistent. They come every week. They're not very talkative - by that I mean it takes them a while to say anything that they're wanting to say. It takes patience to listen and to hear what they have to say.

Dee in particular exhibits a quiet trust. She's never been married and has no kids of her own. Her nephews come to see her every once in a while. She's had a stroke and is almost completely non-ambulatory. She can move her arms a little but doesn't have a lot of strength or mobility in her hands.
She's very encouraging to the other residents, and always loves seeing us.

Once last year I had a rose with me, and I gave it to her. Her eyes were shining the rest of the night. It's difficult to say goodbye when I know I won't be coming back next fall. I may very well never see any of my friends at the nursing home again - at least in this life. Saying goodbye also makes me think about everything that I could have done; the times that I was bored and wished I was back at school, how I didn't always have patience to listen to their words.

I'm really glad that I kept going to the nursing home. The first semester I went, I thought about stopping after spring break. But the other students who went were encouraging to me, just when I saw them randomly at the dining hall or around campus, so I decided to keep going. Knowing how I was encouraged by my fellow students has been a reminder to me to be encouraging to others. Often I think that I will let people decide for themselves what they will do. Maybe we all need to be a bit more encouraging regarding good things in our lives.

squash it with a panini machine!

I almost cried tonight.
I went to the dining hall with Natasha and Kathryn and made myself some supper. I went to the deli line and pulled out a tortilla wrap. I put lots of tasty and delectable items on it, rolled it up, and went over to the panini machine to squash and toast it. It was beautiful. It wasn't too big, which meant that I could roll it tightly. None of the stuffings came out.
None of the fillings came out because I've learned! Last week I watched the lady in front of me - how she rolled hers. I thought "oh, so that's how you get it from falling it all apart."
I carried it solemnly back to my table. After prayer, I bit into it. So delicious.

This is where the sorrow arose.

I am graduating in two weeks. I have only eight more meals left on my dining card. It took me four years to create the perfect wrap, and now I have to leave.

Let my panini failures be a lesson for my friends who retain the privilege of Anderson Commons! I would be glad to show you the ways of proper wrap making (if you don't already know) but time is running short!

Fresnillo

I have pretty much decided that I will spend the next year working in Fresnillo, Mexico at a church. It's an Anglican church, and that's really attractive to me. I've grown up in low-church settings, but taking Historical Theology this semester has brought the fullness of Christian tradition to my attention. I want to learn more about that, walking through the Church calendar with a community.

The organization is called Christ for Children, International. I will be working especially with the kids in the church and in the neighborhood, organizing and leading Kids Clubs. I've taken three years of Spanish, but it will be an exciting challenge to learn how to effectively communicate the gospel cross-culturally and linguistically. Working with Mexican kids will also probably be a lot different than working with the Midwestern elderly, as I do at the nursing home. God's always leading us.

I'm also really excited about the community that I'll be joining. It's quite scary and sad to leave my friends and community at Wheaton. I know that no community of Christians is perfect, but I think that this will be good for me - to step into this rather than step out on my own (though I am never really alone).